Just About to Give Birth to Baby Number Two?…This One’s For You!

I had always known that I wanted to have more than one baby so once pregnant with my second, I never really sat down and thought too much about the emotions and feelings I would experience the day that second baby came into the world. I found out I was pregnant with my second when my son was only 11 months old and was elated. I had loved my pregnancy the first time and had a beautiful healthy boy, and this time around my baby was going to be a little girl. This blog post isn’t going to go into the details of what it was like being pregnant with a toddler or even what it is like having two kids under two years old. What I plan to write about is just one thing: that minute you leave your OG baby at home on the day you head to the hospital to deliver your new baby.

I sobbed like a baby.

An actual baby.

The emotions I felt leaving my son were ALL over the map. Was he going to hate me when he saw me bring home a new baby? Was he going to be jealous of the fact my love was now going to be shared with someone else? Was he going to be mad I made him no longer an only child? His life was AMAZING thus far…we played together all the time; we did tummy time and stretches and read books and sang songs; his nap and bedtime routines were so on point that he was the most well-rested baby I had ever met; we got to go to baby gyms and libraries and music classes and he was literally the center of my universe. There was NO WAY he was going to be okay with this and the thought of me making my son unhappy was unbearable. Then I started to feel immense guilt that all I was thinking of was my son and not about this new adorable daughter I was about to give birth to. Was she going to hate me because she wasn’t even born yet and already I apparently showed favoritism? How would she ever compare to my son? OMG was I really using the word ‘compare’ in my thoughts about my two babies? What a terrible mom!

Did I mention that I sobbed like a baby?

Well I had no choice but to leave my son that morning so that is what I did. Luckily, my mom is the best and periodically sent me pictures of my son and how much fun he was having on ‘vacation’ with Nanny and Poppy so that relieved me. Also, I forgot how intense a very brand new baby is so I was very much preoccupied with pain relief, latching, lack of sleep, nurse visits, super high adrenaline, and the like. Then coming home from the hospital, after having read ALL the books on what to and not to do when introducing the new baby to the OG (and to the cat!), my heart was RACING as I was approaching the introduction. I had my newborn daughter asleep in her crib and brought my 19 month old son into her room very nonchalantly as if we were just going to read a book or check out the nursery. I didn’t even point out the fact she was asleep in the crib; I let him discover that on his own at his own speed. After about 4 minutes, he finally realized there was something/one in the crib and he went over and the smile that emerged on his face was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in the world. An enormous weight lifted off of my shoulders at that very instant and honestly I have not since ever thought or felt what I felt on that morning I left for the hospital. My kids are exactly 19 months (minus one day) apart and are the absolute best of friends. They of course bicker and tease and fight, what siblings don’t?…but the love they have for each other is so amazing and melts my heart each time I witness this magnificence.

If you are still somewhat nervous about this day for you, here are some helpful pointers as you approach that minute of THAT day:

Have the new baby’s room set up as early as physically possible to help your toddler get used to the fact it will be an actual human’s room sometime soon. What may seem overly and annoyingly repetitious to you is actually just what your toddler needs to begin to feel more and more comfortable with the idea of not being the only baby in the house. It doesn’t matter how young your OG baby is; this repetition works on even the tiniest of babies.
Don’t make any huge changes for your toddler right before, during, or immediately after the new baby’s due date (such as potty training, pacifier-taking, no more crib, etc.). Try to do these a few months prior to new baby or a few months after new baby so as to not disrupt your toddler’s routine any more than it needs to be.
The more you can follow a routine with new baby so he/she gets on a good nap/sleep schedule, the better. This makes your toddler feel safe because he/she can expect when he/she will get alone time with mommy again.
In addition to that alone time with mommy, make sure you are also scheduling special alone time with your OG; it will make him/her feel special and that he/she doesn’t have to share mama’s love.
Consider hiring a night nurse or postpartum doula to help not only baby get sleep but also you get sleep so you can be as refreshed as possible for double kid duty the next morning.
Baby carrier, baby carrier, baby carrier…this thing was basically sewed directly to my skin for months!
For nursing mamas, my hands-free/cordless pump was a life-saver as I was not tethered to a wall, but this notion is an entire blog post on its own so I won’t really go any further than this right now!
If you plan on re-using/recycling items such as bottles, high-chairs, etc. make sure that you give your toddler plenty of time pre-baby to ween off of them so he/she no longer associates those items as ‘his/hers’. If you have OG in a high-chair on a Monday, deliver on a Tuesday, and then on Wednesday you put your OG in a brand new booster seat so you can place new baby in the high-chair, there may be an issue. This may mean you need to really plan ahead with things if you plan to re-use OR it may mean you just need to bite the bullet and buy new things (for instance new bottles or new pacifiers, etc.).
In a nutshell, preparation and routine are really the secrets here…prepare your toddler for what seems like ever beforehand (books, play-time in new nursery, etc.) and then stick to routine as much as possible after baby comes; this will actually benefit both new baby AND toddler!
Most importantly: feel the feels…it’s okay to feel sad on one of the soon to be happiest days of your life; it makes all the sense in the world and anyone who tells your otherwise is just nuts.