Is mindset really a thing? Old Me really didn’t understand what that word even meant. And guess what? Old Me was anxious, not the happiest, and most certainly not really present. Time seemed to fly for Old Me. I did not remember much and really just went through the motions each day and checked off the boxes I knew needed to be checked off. I wasn’t miserable, but I didn’t know how much of life and happiness I was actually missing out on until hindsight showed me; this is why I refer to that time as ‘not the happiest’. Old Me had a bunch of obstacles, and boy were they rough, but wait for it…New Me has even more obstacles, and I am somehow mind-blowingly way happier than I’ve ever been before.
So what really changed? I got certified as a life coach, learned how to coach myself so that I can now in turn coach others, and if I had to summarize all of this change into just one word, it would be: MINDSET. I learned how to shift my mindset each and every day with teeny, tiny decisions and actions, and soon it became a habit. Am I perfect at it? Hell no! I am human and struggle often, but once my thoughts start to shift the wrong way, I luckily have the right tools in place and resources at hand to get right back into the appropriate mindset.
A lot of my IG posts lately have had to do with mindset. My son, who in my eyes can do no wrong, never really woke up in the middle of the night. Literally, since he has been 3 months old, I think the amount of times I have had to go into his room in the middle of the night is maybe two or three? He is four and a half years old so if you do that math, it’s pretty astonishing! My daughter, on the other hand, pretty much never goes even one night without needing me. Luckily, they are quick need-me’s and we all get happily back to bed right away, but without fail, I hear a ‘mama’ from her room pretty much always. It used to be to help put the pacifier back in, but in her toddler years it shifted to needing help adjusting her blanket. Sometimes it’s downright just to get a hug, which is really a hard one to be annoyed by!
The whole reason I bring this up, though, is to get back to the notion of mindset. I first have to make a really huge disclaimer here. I am in NO WAY saying tired new moms don’t have the right to complain about sleepless nights. I am ALL EARS to my clients when they are frustrated at their lack of sleep. Having no sleep is no joke. It impacts EVERYTHING. It is terrible! Literally…terrible! I will never ever take that feeling away from my clients. They have every right to complain week to week to me, and I will be nothing but supportive and hear them out. I do, however, like to work with my clients on figuring out a way to add an additional feeling to that frustration. Something like: “These middle of the night wake-ups are killing me…but with that said, boy was that hug I got from her so absolutely beautiful.” Our babies will not be babies forever and although we may really never get normal sleep again, it is nice to learn ways to think about some positive thoughts for every negative obstacle in our lives. Again, these positives are not to replace the negatives. Instead, they are just to join in with them. This mindset shift can make your next middle of the night wake up somewhat more tolerable until eventually you will learn to be at peace with them.
Another mindset example I recently posted about was the thoughts inside some single moms’ heads. When I say single mom, I can actually mean a whole slew of people…single by choice, never married, recently divorced, married but not receiving much help, etc. These single moms are in fact lonely and over-worked. They are most likely exhausted and often times probably feel incapable. With that said, rather than focus on those very negative things, my advice to single moms is try to change the wording to something slightly more positive. You may be over-worked, but doesn’t that just mean you are insanely strong? You may be lonely but doesn’t that mean you can accomplish anything on your own? You are inspiring and most certainly a role model to not only other single moms, but also to your children who see you as their own version of a super hero.
These are just two examples of ways moms can shift their mindsets throughout their mothering journeys. It is one of my favorite things to work on with my clients. Together, we develop a plan around a specific-to-you area where we can adjust thoughts and words so that in the end your mindset will be one that results in a happier and more fulfilled you. What area do you think you could use a little help with when it comes to mindset? Let’s start making some changes today!
